master-bruce-wayne:

radical-rin:

sopherzzzz:

439lux:

when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them. I will love you as the pesto loves the fettuccini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, and the pepperoni loves the pizza. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you as the doctor loves his sickest patient and a lake loves its thirstiest swimmer. I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness of the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written.

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp… I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. I will love you until every fire is extinguished and rebuilt from the handsomest and most susceptible of woods. I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close… I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else–and i will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

Lemony Snicket The Beatrice Letters

(via t33th-t00th)

dexer-von-dexer:

smitethepatriarchy:

insecureghosts:

blackcollarcitizen:

hestmord:

astrophobe:

aresnakesreal:

i hate monopoly it is like some old white guy was sitting around and then thought to himself, what if we could make capitalism fun? well you tried and you failed dipshit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_board_game_Monopoly it was actually created by a Georgist to illustrate the principle that rent makes landlords richer and tenants poorer. She designed it to be incredibly not fun, to show that if you don’t own property you experience an inevitable foreseeable slow dwindling of your resources until you eventually go bankrupt. She figured that through Monopoly people would be so bored and frustrated that they would understand how terrible the system of rent is

Then Parker Brothers patented it, mass-produced it, people bought it because people have terrible taste in games, and the original creator experienced an inevitable foreseeable slow dwindling of her resources until she died impoverished and obscure

society is a horrific parody of itself

No wonder this game makes me aggressive

Her name was Elizabeth Magie and her game was stolen by Charles Darrow.

Darrow went bankrupt after the 1929 Stock Market Crash, so when he saw his neighbors playing the game, he copied down the instructions, and published his own version of the game.

Then he sold it to the Parker Brothers who popularized the game. Darrow became a millionare within the year. Despite this, Hasboro currently lists him as the sole creator on their website.

Magie was amazing, and not just for her game. She liked to mock societal standards of the time through theater and even made national headlines mocking the institution of marriage. She supported herself until her mid 40s, proving that marriage was not the only option for women, before tying the knot herself.

Elizabeth Magie is attributed with this, “Girls have minds, desires, hopes, and ambitons.” Dont forget her name.

This is the saddest and most representative of the United States thing ever.

Magie actually had a second set of rules for a more fair game to show how the system could be improved. The game was meant to be unfair to illustrate the unfairness of runaway capitalism at first, and then switch to a new set of rules, which provide a much more even playing field (and a much more fun game). Darrow scrapped this second ruleset when he stole it, eliminating the teaching purpose and also all the fun. Here’s the original rules, with the second ruleset included

(via yoon-ity)

pwapboi:

digital-umbras:

necromatador:

wickedwitchshaming:

wallcrawler-exmachina:

pwapboi:

centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.

Oh. This. I don’t like this.

#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere

this is worse

jade how did you manage to make this worse

But centaurs DO have 3 body parts.  Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen.  Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.

Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.

“BEHOLD A CENTAUR”

- Diogenes throwing a fucking ant on the ground

this is why we stopped inviting diogenes to these things

(via electoons)

ladyjpotts:

ruffboijuliaburnsides:

the-mad-prince-of-denmark:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

talisguy:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

cheskamouse:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

andsomeampersands:

the-mad-prince-of-denmark:

Fun Fact Time:

Oscar Wilde had a lesbian niece

Yea

YEA

Her name was Dolly Wilde. She was the daughter of Oscar Wilde’s older brother, and was born about 3 months after he died. She worked as an ambulance driver during WW1 and spent most of her free time banging rich ladies. And guys. GUYS.

SHE

LOOKS

JUST LIKE

HER UNCLE

They both have That Face.

I’m so, so happy I know this now.

I would like everyone to know that she went around telling everyone that she was her uncle reincarnated. OK have a good day.

A M A Z I N G

Oh my God, Oscar Wilde and family had Resting Bitch Face.

:D

Resting Wilde Face

That “I’m a gay, Irish socialist in the Victorian era” face.

“Fuck everything about this world”

Side note: it wasn’t just the face. People who knew both Dolly and Oscar Wilde said that they sounded very similar and carried themselves in the same manor.

Both were pretty avid smokers. They both appreciated decadence. They both had very similar lovers.

Also, because history is insane, Dolly Wilde once hit on Zelda Fitzgerald, writer and wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Dolly once said of herself, “I am more like Oscar than Oscar.” And honestly yea, I get why.

Oscar Wilde wasn’t done gaying up the place and came back as Dolly to gay up the ladies as well.

Victorian people: Oscar you must like ladies instead of men

Oscar: *Dies and comes back as Dolly flirting with all the ladies*

Victorian people: Wait no 

(via parlezvousladybug)

protectcombeferre:

vampireapologist:

rainfallinhell:

vampireapologist:

I know I told this story before but last year I was having complications with a surgery and I just broke down in a public place and I was trying to gather myself, sitting and leaning on a wall when this girl in cowboy boots approached me and sat down and she asked what was wrong and I told her it was medical issues and she said “I understand, I have to have my foot amputated next week” and it shocked me out of crying and I was like “wow that sucks!” And she said “yeah.” And then she just touched my arm so tenderly and told me “I promise you that this problem will have its place, and everything is going to work out.” And the way she said it just made me really believe her. She said. “We’re just gonna have to cowgirl up.” And then she stood up and walked away and I’d call that a genuine encounter with an angel but the truth is there is a lot of goodness right here on earth in humanity and it’s shining and pure.

Okay but “this problem will have its place” is genuinely inspiring

THAT REALLY STRUCK ME because I’ve always hated the tired rhetoric of “this happened for a reason” and this feels like a more genuine, comforting take on that. Not “it happened for a reason,” but “this will find its spot in your life and your future that it fits into in a way that will eventually work out even though it sucks that it happened.” Love that.

We’re just gonna have to cowgirl up

(via yoon-ity)

blogging-phelddagrif:

aerialsquid:

unpretty:

unpretty:

unpretty:

tubby ran out of wet food and i couldn’t get to the pet store before lunch so i had to improvise and made her a scrambled egg

she is intensely dubious about this non-salmon food item

despite how much she loves eggs when i’m eating them, she had no interest in eggs that had been prepared especially for her. fortunately we were able to escape our driveway and get her preferred salmon and gravy, and while we were out i bought a frame for the @viv-draws print i bought her

her standards have finally been met

a couple of people have expressed concern about tubby breaking her dishes, so i just want to note that sometimes when the cups are misaligned in their tray they wobble a little and make a tiny clinking sound. when this happens instead of eating directly out of her dish, tubby will use her paw to bring the food to her mouth in order to prevent any unseemly noises.

Your cat is a very prim cat.

not to be dramatic but I’d die for tubby

(via kitty-padilla)